an adaptation of the parable of Jesus found in Matthew 15: 11 – 32

Jesus continued: “There was a Royal father had two sons – William and Harry. The younger one said to his father, “Charles, I have just married the love of my life. Thanks for paying for the wedding and civic reception. However, I want to leave this family and make myself and my wife Megan financially stable. Therefore, give me my share of the estate.” So Charles divided his property and let his son go.

“Not long after that, the younger son and his wife set off for a distant country across the Atlantic and there squandered their wealth as an Instagram influencer. After they had spent everything, there was a severe dislike of Instagram in that whole country, and they both began to be in need. So Harry went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to be a gardener at his Mar-a-Lago resort. He longed to fill his stomach with the berries that the local birds were eating, but no one gave him anything.

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to Charles and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants. Send me to Norwich.’ So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, Charles saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, stood three feet away and shook his hand, as only a British father could.

Harry said to Charles, ‘Father, I have sinned against the British Empire and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his guards, ‘Quick! Bring the best tweed suit and put it on him. Put a Rolex on his wrist and Doc Martians on his feet. Bring the fattened pheasant and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For Harry and Megan were dead, but now they are alive again; they were lost and are now found.’ So they began to celebrate.

“Meanwhile, the older son William was hunting on the estate. When he came back near Buckingham Palace, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Harry has come back,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened pheasant because he has him back safe and sound.’

“William became angry and refused to go in. So Charles went out and pleaded with him. But William answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you, Camilla and the British Monarchy and have never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young chicken so I could celebrate with my Eton friends. But when this “son of yours” who has squandered our name and deserted us to America, comes home, you kill the fattened pheasant for him!’

“‘My son,’ Charles said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because Harry was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’

harry and megan